Stargate-a:Rodney/Carson:Stormclouds

Carson stood in front of the microphone, silent and pale. The words he wanted to say, to explain his pain for his loss.

“Thank-you all for being here. I know not many of you actually liked my partner, but what everyone didn’t know was that he cared for everyone in his own way.” He could see the crowd stiffen at his words, but he carried on. “In the last few months he has taken peoples’ words too personally and it was this that drove him to destruction. My Rodney, my poor Rodney…” Carson gasped for air and his chest tightened as he began to hyperventilate; he fell to his knees and began to weep.

 “My Rodney wasn’t the only person to have faults,” he began again, while staring at Kavanagh who was in the congregation, “but they said that everyone should learn and accept each other. Rodney was stubborn, but away from it all he strived for love and affection, yet I seemed the only one willing to show that he was in fact cherished. He used to come home and tell me he had wronged another person again. Once he even said he made new friends but when I enquired more he admitted he had started talking to the laboratory mice. It seemed that they were happy to listen to him.”

Carson glared around at the exasperated faces. These were harsh words, yet he knew this had to be said. “I am unsure why so many of you have turned up today when you were quite happy to ignore Rodney before. Now I think it’s best if you leave me with a shred of dignity and a last moment with my partner.”

Elizabeth, who sat in the front row, watched how the doctor began to circle the coffin and lay a gentle hand on the cheek of the silent scientist. She walked away and left the two alone for their final goodbyes.

Carson stared down at Rodney and began talking to him. “Rodney, why? Why did you have to go first? I know you said you would prefer it this way; that didn’t mean you could finish it yourself, you stubborn stubborn man. I told them, Och Rodney you shoulda seen their faces; they didn’t know what to do with themselves, writhing in guilt. You’d have been impressed.”

Carson continued to brush Rodney’s cheek. A faint odour of amber wafted by, followed by a soft whisper which came from behind the doctor. “I’m sorry.”

Carson looked round to see a faint glowing outline of Rodney. “Rodney?” he whispered in disbelief.

“Hush my love. I am truly sorry, please don’t hurt.”

“Rodney course I will hurt; I lost you, you were all I ever wanted … all I needed.”

“That’s not true, you have your medicine.”

Carson shook his head slowly, “which couldn’t save you; I couldn’t save you.”

“How could you when I chose not to save myself?” Rodney said gently. “Don’t blame him to much,” he added, “he tried his best; it haunts him.”

“Rodney I still need you, I can’t do this alone.” Carson felt tears well and flow freely down his already wet cheeks.

“My Carson you will love again and you will be happy,” the voice insisted, and with that Rodney shimmered away.

“Carson… Carson?” John Shepard stood behind the doctor and his hand gripping his shoulder. “Carson I’m truly sorry, if I had…”

“No, it was never your fault. Rodney chose this; he chose this path even if it was without me.” The words burned his throat and he could not meet Sheppard’s gaze.

“He did love you.” Simple words that were so comforting and yet so painful.

“Aye he did.” Carson closed the lid and watched the coffin be lowered into the ground. The sun disappeared and storm clouds appeared, releasing rain that mimicked Carson’s tears.